Friends

Recently I have thought of my friends, I think about those around me who I cherish spending time with. Recently, I have found myself reaching out to reconnect with people from my past. Those who possibly I have not spoken with in several months. In doing this, I have realized how much more fulfilling my life is when I have those around me who make me smile. Those people that I call "friends." 

Many times in my life, I believe that my friendships have lacked due to the fact that I did not invest enough into my relationships. Being as it may, lately, I have been striving to let those around me know how much I care about them, and how much I cherish their friendship. It is not always an easy task. It puts me in a place of vulnerability, yet somehow it is ever more fulfilling than letting those friendships dwindle. 

Rejection is not something that I handle well, and in my relationships it becomes blown out of proportions. Reaching out to mend old friendships has left me over to a major attack of rejections, although for some reason, it doesn't seem to be so scary this time. In fact, the reality of the rejections has been diminished or overcome by the shear prospect of joy and fulfillment these relationships have placed upon me. Therefore, I can only conclude that, YES, it is worth it to rekindle the relationships of old, to revive the friendships that have become stale, to create opportunities for meeting new people, and even to stand vulnerable to the rejection that faces you when you let your heart be inhabited by those you love. In the end, you can't beat the feeling of having those around you who bring joy to your day.

Holding my Breath

Lately, I find myself holding my breath. Waiting for the day when I get that news, will it be good or bad?! No one can say. Hoping and praying for the news that says, "you're hired." While at the same time dreading what that may do to me. Will I have the time to keep myself in shape? Will I have the time to make dinner, to spend time with my friends and family. Or will I only want to sleep and do what I can. On the other hand, I'm so eager to have something to wake up early in the morning for. I ache for a sense of accomplishment. There's almost nothing like it.
This particular incident haunts me day and night. I go over and over the interview in my head during the day, and nights, I dream about it. It comes to the place now, where I must just give up. Give it all up to God, go back the beginning, and let him handle it. It's not worth the constant struggle in my mind.

A Million Shells

Glancing at a beach full of vacated shells I had a revelation about my own life. At the beach, I notice how many shells have washed upon the shore beside me. These regal pieces of the deep blew me away. So many differences, each one individual, each simple. This short walk let me gaze upon millions of these shells. Yet wondering how many more are in the great deep. The ocean, how vast and widespread, how beautiful, deep, and majestic. How many more shells are in this place? It's the incarnate vision of how many grains of sand bring soft sweet space to the beaches of the world, and the lustrous shells that scatter themselves along the sand.
It seems to me that those shells are much like the pieces of our lives. Beautiful and broken, we pick up the pieces one by one until we can salvage enough to put ourselves back together. It may take some longer than others. I may be harder for one than others, because others are continually tearing them down. But when they are all in their place again. One finds joy in seeing how beautiful the final creation is.
It is the pieces of our life, the little incandescent fragments that hold no value on their own, but rather become who we are. A small little pinkish shell piece may be the values of your parents, ever present in you. The soft white little piece that has no shimmer, may be your past experiences. All in all, you take one at a time, glue them back together, and behold a new work of art. It is yourself, and as the days grow, you find more beautiful shells, and deeper ones to make up your character. You keep adding, and adding until there is no more room, or you find yourself at that place there you're beaten down, and you have to pick up all the pieces again. Nevertheless, those slight little fragments, will always make up a beautiful you.

T~N~T

It is amazing to me how quickly time passes. It seems like in a blink of an eye the whole world has shifted, our reality is viewed in a completely different way. A year ago today, things were happening that no one could have hoped for, no one could have seen. This short, little, skinny kid, who was loud and full of life took his last breathe. It was his last car drive that ended his life that day. Looking back on it now, makes me wonder how long any of us have. It could happen at any moment. On this anniversary, I will be celebrating his life. I will be remembering how much of an impact he had on his family and friends. I will also be thanking God for the life that I have, instead of wallowing in miserable fear. Yes, time goes by quickly, but it is more about the way you use that time, not how much time you have.

See You Soon, Tyler!